Well... Color Me Rad.

This last weekend I ran a 5k with my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew.  While I didn't run the entire thing, I finished and most importantly, I had fun.  It was fun to be able to do this with my family. :)   I also finished my biggest loser competition this week.  I don't know if we won or not,  but what does that really matter?   I have lost 30 lbs in 15 weeks.   I call that a success. :)

Current Weight: 273

I'm back again...

As I sat and pondered today I realized I haven't kept up on this blog like I should have.  My life this past year has been a mix of every emotion imaginable.  I have dealt with things things that I have had hidden away.  I have learned that I can't hide forever.  I've discovered that my brain is more powerful than my body and if I can get my body in agreeance I can do anything.  I have learned that people grow and change and that sometimes they grow away from you.  It doesn't mean that they like you any less, but that you are becoming different people that need different things in life.  I have learned that I can be whomever I want, if I only have the courage to do so. 

I am still working at a gym and in January our trainer, Lesha, decided to start a Biggest Loser competition for some of her friends and she asked if my mom and I wanted to be part of it.  It is now 13 weeks later and I am down 28 lbs.  I haven't been at this weight for years.  I feel good, but I still don't really see the results because I look in the mirror and still see a fat girl.  At times it is really depressing.  I sometimes want to throw in the towel and quit because I tell myself it doesn't matter.   It isn't making a difference in anything, but then some kind soul sent from Heavenly Father comments on how good I am doing and I find the will somewhere to push through this another week.   I am getting ready to do a 5k at the end of this month and I am kind of excited.   I don't know how it will turn out, but I am going to finish it.  I am done being a quitter.

Current weight: 275

Miles, Motivation, and A-Ha moments

Where do I start? Lots of things have happened to me this last week. I jogged my first mile... I JOGGED MY FIRST MILE EVER!!! That is a huge accomplishment for me. Okay I didn't jog it straight through, but I did it none the less. Now that I know that I can do I now hold myself to a higher standard. That is my minimum now.

I learned I could do that because of an AMAZING guy named Larry. As I said previously, I am working at a gym. Well, there is a guy that comes in twice a day to work out. He is just dedicated. He was diagnosed with diabetes just a little while ago and he is exercising to get it under control. Well, after jogging my half mile the other day I hopped on the treadmill next to him so that I could chat with him and I jogged another quarter mile. "Wow," I thought to myself, "I just jogged 3/4 of a mile. I think I am going to die." Haha. I got off and walked away, turned around and stood there for a minute watching Larry and I thought if he can do this I can surely jog another quarter mile and make make it an even mile. I did. I felt great. I had done something I had never been able to do before. So even though you will never read this, Thanks Larry for being such an example to me.

My a-ha moment came today... I realized that I am an emotional eater. Not so much when I am happy, but when I am sad or depressed my first refuge is a candy bar so that I can drown my sorrows in chocolate. Now that I am aware of this fact I can work to change it. A-ha... Life keeps moving on. :)

Back and better than Ever...

It has been 7 months and two weeks since I have visited this blog. I have no excuse other than I got discouraged. I wasn't seeing the results that I wanted to see and so I quit, but I am back now and better than ever. Lots has changed in my life since I last posted. I am now working on a gym so that makes it really easy to workout. My sister lives here and is my manager and my coach along with a great trainer named Lesha. They are the reason that I am back to blogging here. Lesha has got me started on a workout plan and today she helped me figure out how many calories I need to be eating so that I can finally lose weight. I am working out every day and I love it. I am still planning on doing the Sawtooth Relay and I am slowly building up my endurance. I'm still not a runner and I am not sure that I ever will be, but I am trying.

It is amazing how much perspective can change ones life. My perspective has brought me back to you. My friends. And so now, I begin my accountability to you again. Thank you for holding me a higher standard than I hold myself to. After all, without you my blog would be kind of worthless.

Weight: 300

SAWTOOTH

This weekend I got the chance to see my sister run in the Sawtooth Relay. It was really fun. I felt like I was in a car for three days straight though. Sawtooth is a 62 mile, 6 person relay and each person runs two legs. It was awesome to be a part of. :) My sister's team is named the Marauding Monkeys. Those six people were amazing. This year the team consisted of Claudia (my sister), Brice (my sisters friend and returning monkey), Danny (again friend and returning monkey), Liz (my sisters assistant track coach and first time monkey), Rusty (head cross country coach and first time monkey), and Launa (first time monkey). There was also Seth (the monkey gone mad). Seth decided that he was going to run it on his own this year. They are all amazing. I was so inspired by these awesome people. Now, like I said before, I am not a runner, but watching these crazy, determined people I was so moved that I have decided that next year I am going to run Sawtooth so, my training starts today. Slow and steady wins the race right, so that is how my training starts. Slow....

Current weight: 295

I think I can, I think I can...

What a day... Sometimes I feel like life is passing me by as I move at a snails speed. Crazy I know. Life is going well for me though. So I was going to name this post, " My Fat Cotton Candy Self with Moose Tracks all over me." but that title was a little long. :) I had a bad food day yesterday that ended with cotton candy and Moose Tracks ice cream. This whole losing weight isn't easy and on days when my self control is wavering it is a little bit harder. Despite all of this I am making progress. I am like the little engine that could or the tortise from the tortise and the hare. Slow and steady wins the race. I THINK I CAN... I THINK I CAN. Life is good.

Current weight: 296

Going Public...

So I think I am going to take this blog off of private. I saw something on Studio 5 today about weight loss blogs. I think that the support and love that is generated by knowing that there are others out there who are going through the same things is outstanding. You all are my support and I want to be able to share that support with others who are going through the same things I am. Please keep reading and know that I love you and am so grateful that I have an amazing support system like you.

Current Weight: 297

Big Sigh.....

I had a very sad "me" day the other day. Mom and I went to the DI and I found some really cute shorts, but they didn't fit me. It made me very sad for a little while because I hate being to fat to wear the clothes that I absolutely love. It makes me want to quit shopping all together. Sometimes I think it isn't worth it. It's times like those shopping moments that make me discouraged... I think why bother trying to lose weight... I am never going to be skinny. Those are the times I need to stop and refocus myself and remind myself that it isn't going to come off in a day or maybe even a week or a month, but as long as I am working on becoming a healthier and more active person it will happen. I hope...

Current weight: 297

Wii and Biggest Loser

I got my new Wii Fit today and I am way excited for it. I worked out on it and it made me sweat. I am doing everything I can to keep my body from getting comfortable and in a routine. As I watched Biggest Loser tonight I started to think about why I am as heavy as I am... I am not quite sure yet, but I am bound and determined to figure it out. Getting healthy isn't just about getting skinny. It is about finding out why I got fat in the first place so that I don't do the same things over and over again and find myself back where I started. It's something that I want to get past and never end up there again.

As for weight loss... It is a slow race right now. I am progressing though and that is all that matters.

Current weight: 299

Going to the Gym

Well, tomorrow the video will be done then we can get it sent in. I am excited about it. I have decided that along with wanting to be a runner I am going to splurge and buy myself a gym membership. I am determined that I am going to be thinner. I am going to be healthier and I am going to do it the old fashioned way. Lots and lots of hard work and sweat. :) The time has come for me to take charge of my life and finally stand on my own two feet. There are plenty of people that I can depend on, but the decision and the effort all hinge on ME!! I am an adult... I am strong... I am woman... Hear me ROAR!!!! This week hasn't been great for the weight loss thing. I didn't progress, but I didn't digress either.

Current weight: 300 lbs.

Smile

This week has been a slow start to my weight loss journey, but still any progress is progress. I am so glad that I have a great support system. My mom is AMAZING and my friends are the best. Amanda and I are starting work on our video tomorrow. I am excited. I love the idea of sharing my story with the world. Even if nothing comes of the Biggest Loser I am a changed person. I do need to do better about exercising though. I am still struggling with that. Here's to another good week.

Week 1: 300 lbs.

The Beginning

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Think about that... a single, simple step. One foot in front of another is all it takes. My life has been a series of "one steps" and this journey is no different.

Almost my whole life I have been a bigger girl. No, not bigger, fat. There, I've said it. I've always avoided using the word fat. I was in denial. I would use words like fluffy, bigger, or plump. I would blame others...I'm built just like my grandmother. Mostly I made excuses...I'm not motivated... It's hard to do it alone... I'm to tired...I'm just big boned... BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. It's all the same thing. EXCUSES!!! Well, I'm done. No more excuses!!!

I'm done making excuses about the way that I am. And so I begin this new journey. A journey that will teach me, mold me, shape me, and define me.

My first step in this journey began on March 20 when I went to tryouts for the tv show The Biggest Loser. My friend Amanda and I went to Salt Lake at six in the morning and waited until it started at ten. We met some amazing women who were in line with us. At about 7:30 a very nice man started bringing gloves to those of us waiting in line. When it was finally time for us to go in they took us in in groups of ten. We sat with a casting director who really only wanted to see what our personalities were like and how we interacted with others. They also told us that we would know befire the day was over if we made call backs. I waited and waited, hoping that I would be one of the lucky few who made callbacks, but by the end of the night I realized that I wasn't. Amanda and I still have a chance by making a video, but I am starting this so that even if we don't make it I will still have something motivating and driving me to do this on my own.

It is difficult for me to share my weight with people. I am embarrassed by it. Because you select few mean the world to me I am letting you in on this very private battle. So tonight I start my journey of self discovery. My plan is that I will be able to share my inspirations and thoughts as I fight this silent killer called obesity. I plan to blog every week all of my successes and failures. Knowing, that this will be mostly for my benefit, but hoping it might affect others as well.

Starting weight: 302 lbs.